Family in Crisis
I think I can speak for everyone when I say that each of us have experienced some sort of crisis or stressors at some point in our lives. If one doesn't come to mind, congratulations. Your lack of stressors should now be your stressor.
Whether individual or collective, stress is a universal human experience, and though I don't think many of us would choose to put ourselves in deliberately uncomfortable situations, stress and even crisis can actually prove to be a very positive thing for all of us! Several factors go into making the most out of a crisis situation and ensuring our families survive the stress fractures.
The ABCX Model
Reuben Hill, an American sociologist, was interested in the affect of World War 2 on families where husbands and fathers were drafted overseas.
He noticed that although many families experienced a similar. extremely stressful event, not every family devolved into a state of crisis. Some families emerged from the events of World War 2 stronger than ever, regardless of whether or not the father of the family ever returned home.
From his observations, he developed something called the ABCX model to label and explain different elements of a stressor event. These three factors have an impact on how well a family is able to handle stressful events, and provides perspective when considering our own family struggles.
"A": Actual Stressor
The "A" in the ABCX model stands for the "actual stressor". These can be chronic stressors, such as an ongoing medical condition or a disabled family member, or crisis event such as sudden unemployment, infidelity, or major unforeseen expenses.
Regardless of the kind of stressor your family is going through, there is no doubt that the family will likely experience some negative effects. In the case of financial worries, children may find parents more anxious and less available than usual. The betrayal of spousal infidelity can create hurt and distrust that shakes the foundation of family connections.
However, just because stressful events may have some negative impacts does not mean your family needs to suffer for long. There are still two more factors that contribute to X, the overall stress experience.
"B": Resources and Response
Each family has access to different resources that can help during times of stress. These can include extended family, food storage, government programs, savings, social support, and community resources. Whether or not a family has access to resources such as these can have a big impact on their ability to prosper through difficult times.
There was a time in my family's history where we were struggling financially. My dad was an underpaid college professor with five children to support, and, after another pay cut, we found ourselves needing to take advantage of outside resources. Because of local food banks, church support, and my parent's creative resourcefulness, we were able to thrive as a family despite serious financial stress. If these resources had not been available, we would have been in a much harder place.
Now, our family is able to be the ones providing support and help to those in need. As a community, we can help alleviate the burden of stressor and crisis events on families by supporting and instituting community resources such as food banks, work programs, and emotional support programs.
The second part of the "B" is how we respond to the resources available. My family may have had access to that food bank, but if we never took advantage of it, we would be in the same situation as we would if it wasn't available. Thriving as a family means humbling yourselves and being willing to accept help.
"C": Cognition
The third factor in Hill's family crisis model is cognition, or the way the family defines the event. When Hill was observing families in World War 2, he noticed that the way the family thought determined how they acted, which in turn affected their ability to thrive.
Some families mourned the loss of their husband and father as if he had already died. They gave up hope that things would ever be okay again, and as a result, they began to act like it. Happiness was fleeting, bonds between the mother and her children weren't strong, and all in all the functionality of the family began to deteriorate.
On the flip side, other families reframed the tragedy of war in a truthful, yet encouraging way. Rather than saying things like, "I can't believe your father has had to leave us to fend for ourselves", they would say, "You're father is such a brave man to go out and protect us like this." This simple change in thinking helped families come together despite experiencing the same crisis.
This is so cool! This finding means that you and I have power to affect our reality.
Changing your cognition is not the same as just thinking happy thoughts, however.
It involves rewiring your brain to use the reasoning portion (the prefrontal cortex) before engaging the fear center (the limbic system). One easy way to do this is to re-frame situations that scare you. Going into a test you are nervous to take and saying, "Bring it on. I want to do this test, and I'm going to do well on it," is more than just positive self talk. It helps to engage your prefrontal cortex, which in turn allows you to think rather than feel anxiety.
A second way to rewire your brain that takes a little more time, but is extremely beneficial, is called cognitive behavioral therapy. This involves writing down negative thoughts associated with a stressful event and identifying distortions in thinking. Once distortions have been identified, the next step is to rewrite the negative thoughts into true, positive statements. This may take longer than the first tip mentioned, but it has real ability to change how you act in a stressful situation.
Conclusion
When faced with crisis, a family can benefit from having access to resources and changing the way they define their stressor. Hopefully this post didn't come off as campy or as an oversimplification, but I really do feel that there is so much power in knowing you have control over your experience in life!
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