All Work and No Play

"All work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy."

        Whether it makes us dull or not, work has been a part of human society since...well, forever. Though we've switched out our plows and pitchfork for computers and status reports, work is still a major part of everyday living, especially in countries like the United States where hard work and independence are praised.

        The big difference between now and a couple hundred years ago in terms of work is the relationship between work and families. Whereas once families had to work together on farms or other trades, now work is something that takes place outside the home, separate from family. 

        Even with this change, work remains an important part of family life. Some parents, perhaps Johnny's from the saying above, want to keep their kids playing rather than working. As fun as that sounds though, it turns out work might be more beneficial for child development than playing!

        The main reason is that playing is competitive while working is cooperative. 

        Nearly every game has a winner and a loser. In moderation this develops healthy competition and provides an opportunity to practice losing or winning gracefully. However, every family benefits from tasks that require them to work together rather than against one another.

        I grew up in Wisconsin. When I was 14 my parents bought a house with two acres of weed ridden, thistle inhabited land. To most people, that kind of overgrown mess would be a deal breaker. To my mom, it was fabulously untapped potential. 

        For three years, we spent everyday during the summer outside: cutting weeds, pulling out stumps, planting trees and fruit bushes, and burning brush. For so long, I resented providing what I saw as inhumane slave labor. I'll never forget our first harvest of raspberries, though. My brothers went out there with plastic buckets to harvest the big juicy raspberries we had planted the summer before; I had never felt a sense of pride and accomplishment like I did as I looked at my bucket full of berries. 

        Now, some of my fondest memories are of those hot and humid summers, working with my brothers and parents to make something beautiful.

        Funny, but I don't really treasure the memory of mornings spent watching T.V. or playing video games.

        When parents give children the opportunity to work with them in accomplishing a single goal, it improves family relationships on both sides. Children learn that work is not bad, and parents are willing to help them will challenging tasks. Parents are able to experience the happiness and pride of their child when they've accomplished a difficult task. Shared work provides a sense of pride and self efficacy that play never will.

    In addition, it is important that children learn from their parent's example that work does not replace family. While it is necessary and honorable to prioritize work in order to provide for one's family, children suffer more from a lack of parental involvement than poverty. Fathers play a major role in the upbringing of their children. Apart from being a provider, fathers have enormous potential to influence and direct. After all, who better to teach young men how to become good strong men than their father? 

    There may be a tendency, especially in families that adopt more traditional gender roles, to divide and separate responsibilities between home and work, with each parent staying strictly within their designated bounds. However, both mothers and fathers have a divine ability and responsibility to be actively involved in their families.

    My dad has been a wonderful example to me of how to work hard but still prioritize family. My dad had five kids as a full-time graduate student, and though he worked long hours as a teacher's aid to provide for his family, I never felt he was absent in my life. When he came home from class or work, however long his day may have been, he mustered up the energy to wrestle with me and my brothers. On the days he came home too late to say goodnight to us, he would slip a note and a treat under our pillows to surprise us in the morning. Little things like that helped me know that, although Dad had to work hard, he would always make time for us kids.

    Work doesn't need to be separate from family life. There are so many great advantages to working with your kids, from little daily chores to big family projects. Even when work must take a large chunk of parents' time and energy, finding simple ways to stay involved with their children maintains a healthy family unit.