Exams and Soap boxes

     Well, folks...here we are. This will be my last blog post for awhile, and I want to end with a little metaphor.

    This week I took a final in my Family Relations class. Despite the sweet-talking inquiries of several students, my professor refused to answer any questions about the format or content of the final exam. The only instructions we were given was to identify our top ten favorite principles learned in the class, and write a substantial paragraph for each.

Pretty vague. We weren't even informed what to include in the paragraphs.

    Well, I did as I was instructed, and compiled a "Top 10" list with the accompanying paragraphs, printed and ready when the day of the exam arrived.

    Turns out, my professor's big secret was this: two on the spot ten-minute lessons based off of two of our ten previously selected topics. We had 20 minutes to write two separate lesson plans, and when I tell you my pen was flying across that paper, I mean the ink was smoking. 

    Twenty minutes came and went much faster than I would have liked. Our next order of business was to give our two lesson plans to another student in the class who would be grading our presentations. My typical antidote for stage fright is preparation, and with that taken away my knees were a tad bit shaky.

    Anyway, since I know you're on the edge of your seat, my partner and I both shared our prepared lessons, and it actually went super well!

    At this point I hope you're asking yourself why I'm choosing to make my class final the subject of my last blog post. The reason is this: I come from a generation of students that evaluate the value of information off a point system, and I worry that that's the way many young people are beginning to see marriage and family life. 

    Many of my classmates, myself included, wanted to know exactly what our final exam would look like, and exactly what information would be on it. Why? So that we could try figure out all the answers beforehand, and enter the exam knowing exactly what to expect.

    This might be just fine and dandy for a test, but how many people do you know who want to do the same thing before getting married and starting a family? So many people nowadays want to have everything, such as career, finances, cohabitation, and identity, figured out before getting married to the person they love. They feel that there is no way they could be prepared for the ultimate test of marriage without having all the answers prepared beforehand. Likewise, many married couples delay having children, not because of well-thought out family planning but because they are worried about not being completely prepared for the "exam" of parenting. 

    The problem with having this approach in class as well as in life is that it limits your ability to truly learn and enjoy learning. As soon as you know what concepts the teacher is putting on the next test, you don't give one darn for anything else he or she may cover. You're laser-focused on cramming as much of what you deem relevant into your brain before the exam, only to forget it days or even hours afterwards. At least, that's the way I tend to be in school.

    The same thing can happen when we try to prioritize "relevant" life experiences over learning what you can from what life gives you. A husband completely focused on procuring financial success for him and his wife may find that he's missing out on a lot of the growth that comes with building and creating relationships. A woman who wants to wait until she feels accomplished in her own life before including another person might be delaying the fulfillment that comes from creating a wonderful marriage with someone. 

    

    Reading this post back, I realize it may come off a little preachy. That's not my intention: I don't want it to come across like I'm saying that everyone should get married at 18 and have children right away in order to have a fulfilling life. Everyone is entitled to their own way of living. I do want to suggest, however, that decisions made out of a fear of failure rather than intentional choosing can limit what we get to experience and rob us of a more beautiful and rewarding life.

    I love being married. I have grown more in my three months of marriage than I have in two years on my own. I didn't have everything figured out when I married the guy I loved, (still don't, never will) but the chance to work and fail together is what makes it so wonderful. Family is a beautiful, beautiful thing, and I hope that we can all strive to prepare for our own as best we can, without obsessing about knowing everything beforehand.

Faith over fear!

Okay, descending from the soap box now....

....and I'm off.